Please Tell Me I Packed The Degreaser.

Bikini Shark 2025 from Champ Dog Films should have been every sharksploitation fans dream come true. You might have asked, Why did it take so long for two of the genres biggest tropes, Land Sharks and Bikinis, to meld. I was ready for a high bikini count but counted only about six on some less than enthusiastic English actors in the exotic location of Essex. If this betrayal was not enough then the script which is out beyond the twilight zone was its death nell. It is hard going watching the actors laboriously explain the bizarre back story.  There are some stand out bad actors as well delivering the back story which only serves to further aggravate. I did manage though to keep my finger off the fast forward button because I am a sucker for the land shark trope. The colour saturated attacks are rendered competently and are the equal of anything from the 2008 to 2015 sharksploitation period. However this is 2025 and I felt they could have done more with the car chase sequence's. A more intense six metre shark versus a Fiat Panda scene would have saved this movie. As the movie rolled to its predictable ending my interest was temporarily peaked by a final girl trope  that when all said and done churned truly slow and ultimately underwhelming.

For the truely disappointed please find here a list of notable bikini count movies, Bacalhau 1976, Tintorera 1977, Jersey Shore Shark Attack 2012, Jurassic Shark 2012,  Ouiji Shark 2020, Shark Warning 2024. Essentially all sharksploitation movies of the 21st century will have a Bikini count but only a handful took up the trope in the 20th century and they are noted above. I also believe That Rene Cardona Jr who directed Tintorera can rightfully claim to be the Godfather of the Bikini count.

To see some notable Land Shark movies check out. Land Shark 2017, Land Shark 2020, Snow Shark 2011, Sand Sharks 2011,Avalanche Sharks 2014, Ghost Shark 2013, Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre 2016, Bad CGI Sharks 2019, Mountain Shark 2024. The first cinematic mention of Land Sharks occurs in White Death 1936 starring Zane Grey.I digress, there are other Land Sharks but these should surely sate that curiosity.

Blatant False Advertising.